If you know the Wall of Lollies, you know Molly Lolly, the rainbow lorikeet. Born in humble surroundings, Molly went on to amass a personal fortune, becoming President and CEO of the mighty Wall of Lollies empire, ruling her domain with an iron wing and keeping a close watch on her loyal staff from her post at the front door (or by the fire during winter).
Recently, Molly has expanded her control of the world. She now owns seventeen television stations, eight newspapers, an untold number of casinos and a South Pacific island. She can no longer spend so much of her time keeping a beady eye on the goings-on in the lolly shop where it all began.
Therefore, Molly has appointed a new CEO, Sir Beakley Featherstone-Birdsworth, “Birdie” to his friends, to keep a talon on the tiller while she looks after her other interests.
Birdie hopes you will receive him with the same love and devotion that President-For-Life Molly has come to expect. The lolly empire continues. Let the lollies flow!
(For those who want the boring old “real” story: Molly is fine, and is living with her original family nearby in Geeveston. She’ll be back to visit occasionally!)
It’s five weeks to Christmas. We probably have to stop complaining about all the shops putting out Chrissy decorations now. So it’s about time to consider the important question of stocking stuffers.
Did you know the Wall of Lollies is also the Wall of Toys, Knick-Knacks and General Fun Stuff? It’s not all sugar (or sugar-free sweet things) around here.
Come in any time and check out the range. There are boys’ toys, girls’ toys and (best of all) toys that don’t mind who or what you are. Leonie is especially proud of her collection of Golliwogs, which have escaped the pages of Enid Blyton’s Noddy books and now lounge about on the shelves, waiting to be taken home.
Christmas shopping need not be a time for trepidation. Come to the Wall of Lollies and put your mind at ease.
In the last few months, the space given over to pure indulgence at the Wall of Lollies has expanded. The best lolly shop in Tasmania now boasts:
- 638 feet (194.5 metres) of shelf space, not counting icecream and stocking fillers (about which, more tomorrow!)
- Over 1400 individual jars of lollies, from Aniseed Rings to Zappo Gumballs, and that’s not counting the chocolate boxes and Jelly Bellies
- 73 individual types of lolly made right here in Tassie
- 26 flavours of Valhalla ice cream
- 40 flavours of Jelly Belly jelly beans
- one feathered friend (secretly the President of the whole Wall of Lollies empire) about whom we have some news (stay tuned!)
The Wall of Lollies doesn’t stand still!
All right, listen up. There’s an annual trap, laid for unwary romantics by the people who make calendars. And it’s coming up, quicker than you think: Valentine’s Day! If you’re single, now is the chance to make an impression and maybe — maybe — improve your condition. And if you’re not single, this is the challenge you need to meet if you want to make completely sure you stay that way…
The Wall of Lollies, as ever, is here to help. Between now and Valentine’s Day, we have these gorgeous teddy bears on sale, at various prices and sizes. And because it has been scientifically proven that nobody can resist a chocolate heart on this day of all days, we’re throwing in a chocolate heart, free!
But wait — there’s more! Chocolate hearts in all sorts and sizes, more fluffy romantic furry creatures for those who are already sufficiently supplied with teddy bears. And did we mention in passing the hundreds of metres of shelves full of a thousand or more flavours of lolly? There is plenty here to entice the romantically-inclined gift recipient. Come in and browse!
Yes it is!
On behalf of Jess the Labrador and her friendly staff Leonie, Grant, Sue and Tracey, and their chief publicist Molly Lolly the Rainbow Lorikeet:
Today is the only day off for Jess and her busy crew, so just for today we have a very different message for you: don’t come on in! Spend the day with your favourite people… and then come in tomorrow and every day for the best lollies and novelties in Tasmania.
Behold… the Lolly Pop Hamper! Be the 24th customer on the 24th of December (hint: that’s today!) and you’ll win it, free and clear! Come on in!
December 23 is the Mexican Night Of The Radishes, which is why today’s treat is delicious Valhalla Ice Cream. Now, you may find yourself asking what these two subjects have to do with each other. I’m glad you asked! Radishes are relevant to Valhalla ice cream because they are possibly the only flavour that Valhalla doesn’t use! Valhalla’s flavours include Blackberry Cheesecake, Blueberry Bliss, Butterscotch, Chocolate, Christmas Pudding, Macadamia Nut, Peppermint Choc Chip, Roasted Wattleseed and Macadamia Nut, Strawberry and even (believe it or not) Vanilla. But no radish! So the Night of the Radish is the perfect date to have some ice cream!
And don’t forget the big lolly pop hamper, to be given away tomorrow to the 24th person through the door. Don’t miss it!
If you’re reading this, it means the loonies were wrong about the Mayan Calendar and the world hasn’t ended after all. This is a Good Thing, because it means you can afford a moment to enjoy possibly the yummiest lolly in the entire Wall of Lollies, the Apple Bon-Bon. There are a number of bon-bons, all of them delicious, including lemon, toffee, strawberry and blackcurrant, but the apple bon-bons are definitely the best. And being apple flavoured, they’re the most patriotically Tasmanian. Therefore, to celebrate your continued survival, you must remember to pop in and get some!
And while you’re here, check out the amazing lolly pop hamper, which will be given to the twenty-fourth person through the door on the 24th, Christmas Eve. Don’t miss it!
Today, December 21, is the birthday in 1682 of Captain “Calico Jack” Rackham, the pirate. Now, the life of a pirate is not all fun and games and shivering timbers and saying “aaaarrrrr” a lot, dear me no! If you want to focus on getting the gold and keeping the gold and keeping track of the gold, you need to have a good head for business. That’s what we see here: Calico Jack’s typical morning routine, a cup of tea and a careful accounting of incomes and expenses.
Of course, if you don’t care about all that business, you can just get yourself some chocolate gold coins and never mind the accountancy. But if the Governor gets you, don’t say you weren’t warned!
On this day in 2007, Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II became the oldest ever monarch of the United Kingdom, outliving her Great Great Grandmother, Queen Victoria, who died aged 81. Now you may wonder what this has to do with Marzipan. I’ll tell you. It’s not widely known, but Queen Elizabeth II and her family are actually from the planet Mars, from which Marzipan gets its name. In their original form as lizard aliens, they emigrated to Earth in the 14th century, and have been slowly working to overthrow the governments of the world and–
No, none of that is true. Actually, there’s no link at all between Queen Elizabeth and marzipan. But marzipan is yummy, and it’s not its fault that the Queen has some other favourite that she has not seen fit to share with the proprietors of the Wall of Lollies. So eat your marzipan and toast the Queen and all will be well.
And meanwhile, don’t forget the lolly pop hamper! Come in on the 24th, be the 24th customer, and it’s yours. Just in time for Christmas!